I can hardly believe that I created this blog 2 years (and 1 day) ago!!!
I initially started this blog because I wanted a more public place to be accountable for my Nerd Fitness challenges. I also thought this would be a great platform to let all my pent up thoughts and feelings out so that I could process and deal with them all without subjecting my sweet family to all my ranting and raving! I had a lot of fun in the beginning and it seemed I could crank out workout posts, family updates and loads of food posts with no problem. I felt like I had so much to share. I had marathons to train for, recipes to share and family events that simply had to be documented. Then slowly the fire began to fade away. Getting that blog post published could wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow became ‘on the weekend’ when I had time. (Seriously- wtf kind of reasoning is that??? The weekend is the ONLY time I really have to spend with my family- why would I want to sit at my computer and ignore time with them???) The weekend became next week and then weeks had passed between posts and the longer the time between posts the more guilt I would start to feel. As the guilt began to accumulate I began to feel overwhelmed that I HAD to post something or I would lose all my followers. I had to post this review or that review on a deadline that just didn’t fit my family schedule. Then the events tapered off too- there was no marathon to train for – no epic long run posts, the Spartan had come and gone (did you notice I never did get a recap post up for that?) I was feeling uninspired, unmotivated, and like my voice, what was happening in my life couldn’t possibly matter to anyone. What could I possibly have to share with the world that hasn’t been shared a million times already? So the blog faded quietly into the background, but it didn’t disappear. It whispered to me sometimes, especially on nights when Big J was at work and the kids were all sleeping. It begged me on others, when I’d had a long day, and exciting day, or those awesome mail days that we bloggers dream about (FREE STUFF!!!) But I was still stuck. I never know where to start when I’m trying to write. I have a thousand ideas racing through my mind and I could talk to you for days about a million different things, but the moment I set myself in front of that blank screen, fingers hovering over the keys, my mind goes blank. Suddenly I’m at a loss for words, I can’t get a sentence out that feels right, that conveys my feelings. I’m afraid. I’m afraid that when YOU read this you just might catch a glimpse of ME, the real, vulnerable, me. And to be honest I don’t understand that fear. I can’t rationalize it at all. If we were to speak in real life it would be very clear to you that I make apologies to no one. I don’t change ME to fit ANYONE else’s standard. I am me, unapologetically, fearlessly ME.
But I digress…..Big J and I were sharing a rare Sunday afternoon conversation in which we were actually discussing my blog. I confessed to him that I felt like I’d lost my drive to blog. The passion for it was gone because there was no “end goal” (no marathon, no Spartan, event to train for) he looked at me with that face that only he can make….the one where his eyebrows go all wonky and he screws his face all up funny at me. Then he said, “Really? You have NOTHING that you can share to inspire others? You’re kidding right? When’s the last time you read the headline of your own blog, the heading of your Twitter or Instagram page? Who cares if you’re not training for ‘something’….YOUR WHOLE PURPOSE IS TO LEVEL UP YOUR LIFE EVERY DAY. TO BE A BETTER MOM, WIFE, PERSON TODAY THAN YOU WERE YESTERDAY. What’s not inspiring about that?”
He was so right. (Don’t you dare tell him I said this, but he usually is when it comes to this kind of thing) The man knows just what to say to me to get my engines revving again.
While my life might not be as glamorous or exciting and I may not be as popular as other people, that’s OK. Wanna know why? Too bad, I’m telling you anyway.
I have given birth to 4 of the most incredible humans I have ever met. They are smart, well mannered, funny, witty, charming, beautiful both inside and out, compassionate, ridiculous, spunky….the list of their qualities in inexhaustible!
I am married to a man who truly loves and appreciates me and finds beauty and perfection in all my flaws and inadequacies. Who works tirelessly to provide for our family. Who tries to be a better father, husband and friend every day. Who is willing to learn new ways to communicate, grow and build our family relationships and isn’t afraid to say he’s sorry.
I have a best friend (living states away) that I can count on, without fail, to be my spiritual center, who can understand my heart and always knows exactly what I need to hear to help point my heart back toward Jesus. Who has taught me that hurting people hurt people and when people are the hardest to love is when we MUST love them even harder.
I have a job that challenges me mentally, not only in learning new things, but in mastering the art of patience. And it allows me to help provide for my family.
I am an am-BADASS-ador for several of the most influential fitness an healthy living communities around! Communities that have not only provided me with amazing opportunities to try new products that I may not have ever tried otherwise, but they’ve given me a sense of family and camaraderie with other like minded folks that I don’t have the chance to interact with in my day to day life.
and last but certainly not least, the community who got this whole healthy living thing stuck in my head, the one that FINALLY enabled me to believe I could quit smoking and the nearest and dearest extended family I could ever wish for…
So, I guess I have to say that my rationalization for NOT writing my blog was pretty flimsy. Somewhere along the lines, I forgot all the times I have had people tell me that because of me they have made changes to their lives. Because of me they decided to do something they otherwise wouldn’t have.
I certainly don’t mean to sound like I’m bragging or being conceited, I’m just reminding myself, that yeah, we all have crappy times where we don’t do everything we think we should…but don’t give up…don’t quit….You never know who’s watching you….and who you’re inspiring!!!!
Happy Blogiversary & here’s to not letting me get in my own way quite so much anymore!!!