Here’s to the Woman Inside the Mom

mommygorun:

Every mom should read this

Originally posted on Loving My Lot:

I love this blog for many honorable reasons.  But I also love it for one selfish reason.  It’s mine.  All mine.  I never realized what a commodity that could be until I became a mom.  In the beginning, I was only asked to give up little things–time, sleep, my waistline.  And then they started crawling and I surrendered a little more–tidiness, order, all of the keys on my laptop (which, FYI, can actually be popped right off.)  Then one day I blinked and there they were–chattering away a mile a minute, going to pre-school, making friends, getting their feelings hurt, asking big questions, challenging my authority, drawing me pictures, jumping in bed to kiss my very pregnant belly and perhaps ride it like a cowgirl…  And I realized there wasn’t a square inch of my personhood they hadn’t entirely and eternally invaded.

I love them with these dry, un-manicured hands…

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Where did the summer go?

You know y’all I’m getting really tired of this sporadic, once in a bazillion years update posting business!!!! I feel like I’m always behind the 8 ball, when I finally feel like I have a grip on life some crazy messed up shit comes flying in from left field and socks me right between the eyes!  So maybe I should just resign myself to the fact that my blogging may never be “on track” or on a set schedule! I also suppose that I should learn to just chill the eff out and not let a timeline determine my worth as a blogger, mother or wife! I do a damn lot in the course of the day, and it’s high time I stop beating myself up for not doing more!!!

You see, not only do I try to blog, but I really do try to be a good and actively participating mother in my children’s lives; I try to be a good and nurturing wife to my husband and I sincerely try to do my absolute best in my job. So why do I feel like it’s never enough? Perhaps I’ll never know the whys of it…maybe I should just try to learn and grow and “LEVEL UP” every day. 

But enough rambling, you see how quickly I get off topic? 

I started this post to share with you some of the wonderful things I got to do this summer!

Big J brought home this little bundle of freaking adorable and we started running togetherwpid-20140728_055625.jpg wpid-20140727_215019.jpg I made a hat for Big S. I think it looks too small so I actually don’t expect her to wear it….like EVER….

wpid-img_20140727_184010.jpg Our apartment complex seemed to have an aversion to cleaning the damn swimming pool so we improvised- what, you’ve never swam on the patio before???

wpid-20140726_181418.jpgMr little J was all excited to see Need for Speed and it was surprisingly a pretty decent movie.

Little J looking all like Syndrome (bad guy from The Incredibles) ha ha ha ha ha wpid-20140725_195559.jpg

I was fortunate enough to have been asked by The Color Run to promote and run in their Kaleidoscope Tour this year! Little J ran it with me last year and it seemed only fitting to have him run it with me again. I did give him the option to “race” it if he wanted to, but my sweet son chose to just run it casually with his dear old mama! wpid-20140823_082614.jpg wpid-20140823_090103.jpg wpid-20140823_090229.jpg Couldn’t resist this pic…..I’m pretty sure we all wanted a reduced speed…it was hot as hell and humid as could be!wpid-20140823_091105.jpg wpid-20140823_091515.jpg These two love birds walked the entire course hand in hand and were absolute proof that love and fitness know NO age limits!wpid-20140823_091803.jpg wpid-20140823_092504.jpg wpid-20140823_092822.jpgapplying mascara….really!?!?!?! You’re covered in funky colors…who are you trying to impress? After seeing this girl, I don’t think anything can surprise me at a race! wpid-20140823_094107.jpg wpid-20140823_094909.jpg wpid-20140823_103406.jpg wpid-20140823_161620.jpgYes, I really went out in public like this! I have no shame…..and possibly no dignity! wpid-20140824_122806.jpg Little S wanted to chop off her hair. I think it totally suits her personalitywpid-20140824_195316.jpg Last night of SUMMERwpid-20140824_194004.jpg wpid-20140824_193913.jpg wpid-20140824_193709.jpg wpid-20140824_193706.jpg wpid-20140824_193704.jpg wpid-20140824_193637.jpg wpid-20140824_193630.jpg wpid-20140824_193558.jpg wpid-20140824_193544.jpg wpid-20140824_194004.jpgI may or may not have cried a lot. I am such a proud mama. I can not believe that all of my babies are in school already. They are all so unique and full of life and their personalities just shine like nothing else. I can’t even begin to describe how proud I am of each of them and how amazing it has been to watch them grow and blossom into the stunning creatures they are all becoming!

It’s incredible to think that I have a high school JUNIOR, and 8th grader, a 5th grader, and a kindergartner. When did they all grow up? How in the world did the years pass so quickly when the hours can sometimes drag on for eternity? How can days seem never ending, while years evaporate like mist in the blazing sun? I’m terrified that I will blink and they will all be out on their own, living their own lives, leaving me behind (as they should) and the moments I treasure more than life will be gone with them.

So while the summer passed entirely too quickly and so many things were left undone, we can only face each day striving to do a little bit more and be a little bit better than we were able to do yesterday; making the most of these fleeting moments, these never ceasing sands flowing through the hourglass of our lives and know that while we can’t hold on to them forever, we can certainly cherish each and every one of them as they wistfully travel through our fingertips. 

 

Happy Belated Blogiversary!

I can hardly believe that I created this blog 2 years (and 1 day) ago!!!

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I initially started this blog because I wanted a more public place to be accountable for my Nerd Fitness challenges. I also thought this would be a great platform to let all my pent up thoughts and feelings out so that I could process and deal with them all without subjecting my sweet family to all my ranting and raving! I had a lot of fun in the beginning and it seemed I could crank out workout posts, family updates and loads of food posts with no problem. I felt like I had so much to share. I had marathons to train for, recipes to share and family events that simply had to be documented. Then slowly the fire began to fade away. Getting that blog post published could wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow became ‘on the weekend’ when I had time. (Seriously- wtf kind of reasoning is that??? The weekend is the ONLY time I really have to spend with my family- why would I want to sit at my computer and ignore time with them???) The weekend became next week and then weeks had passed between posts and the longer the time between posts the more guilt I would start to feel. As the guilt began to accumulate  I began to feel overwhelmed that I HAD to post something or I would lose all my followers. I had to post this review or that review on a deadline that just didn’t fit my family schedule. Then the events tapered off too- there was no marathon to train for – no epic long run posts, the Spartan had come and gone (did you notice I never did get a recap post up for that?) I was feeling uninspired, unmotivated, and like my voice, what was happening in my life couldn’t possibly matter to anyone. What could I possibly have to share with the world that hasn’t been shared a million times already? So the blog faded quietly into the background, but it didn’t disappear.  It whispered to me sometimes, especially on nights when Big J was at work and the kids were all sleeping. It begged me on others, when I’d had a long day, and exciting day, or those awesome mail days that we bloggers dream about (FREE STUFF!!!) But I was still stuck. I never know where to start when I’m trying to write. I have a thousand ideas racing through my mind and I could talk to you for days about a million different things, but the moment I set myself in front of that blank screen, fingers hovering over the keys, my mind goes blank. Suddenly I’m at a loss for words, I can’t get a sentence out that feels right, that conveys my feelings. I’m afraid. I’m afraid that when YOU read this you just might catch a glimpse of ME, the real, vulnerable, me. And to be honest I don’t understand that fear. I can’t rationalize it at all. If we were to speak in real life it would be very clear to you that I make apologies to no one. I don’t change ME to fit ANYONE else’s standard. I am me, unapologetically, fearlessly ME.

But I digress…..Big J and I were sharing a rare Sunday afternoon conversation in which we were actually discussing my blog. I confessed to him that I felt like I’d lost my drive to blog. The passion for it was gone because there was no “end goal” (no marathon, no Spartan, event to train for) he looked at me with that face that only he can make….the one where his eyebrows go all wonky and he screws his face all up funny at me. Then he said, “Really? You have NOTHING that you can share to inspire others? You’re kidding right? When’s the last time you read the headline of your own blog, the heading of your Twitter or Instagram page? Who cares if you’re not training for ‘something’….YOUR WHOLE PURPOSE IS TO LEVEL UP YOUR LIFE EVERY DAY. TO BE A BETTER MOM, WIFE, PERSON TODAY THAN YOU WERE YESTERDAY. What’s not inspiring about that?”

He was so right. (Don’t you dare tell him I said this, but he usually is when it comes to this kind of thing) The man knows just what to say to me to get my engines revving again.

While my life might not be as glamorous or exciting and I may not be as popular as other people, that’s OK. Wanna know why? Too bad, I’m telling you anyway.

I have given birth to 4 of the most incredible humans I have ever met. They are smart, well mannered, funny, witty, charming, beautiful both inside and out, compassionate, ridiculous, spunky….the list of their qualities in inexhaustible!

I am married to a man who truly loves and appreciates me and finds beauty and perfection in all my flaws and inadequacies. Who works tirelessly to provide for our family. Who tries to be a better father, husband and friend every day. Who is willing to learn new ways to communicate, grow and build our family relationships and isn’t afraid to say he’s sorry.

I have a best friend (living states away) that I can count on, without fail, to be my spiritual center, who can understand my heart and always knows exactly what I need to hear to help point my heart back toward Jesus. Who has taught me that hurting people hurt people and when people are the hardest to love is when we MUST love them even harder.

I have a job that challenges me mentally, not only in learning new things, but in mastering the art of patience. And it allows me to help provide for my family.

I am an am-BADASS-ador for several of the most influential fitness an healthy living communities around! Communities that have not only provided me with amazing opportunities to try new products that I may not have ever tried otherwise, but they’ve given me a sense of family and camaraderie with other like minded folks that I don’t have the chance to interact with in my day to day life.

and last but certainly not least, the community who got this whole healthy living thing stuck in my head, the one that FINALLY enabled me to believe I could quit smoking and the nearest and dearest extended family I could ever wish for…

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So, I guess I have to say that my rationalization for NOT writing my blog was pretty flimsy. Somewhere along the lines, I forgot all the times I have had people tell me that because of me they have made changes to their lives. Because of me they decided to do something they otherwise wouldn’t have.

I certainly don’t mean to sound like I’m bragging or being conceited, I’m just reminding myself, that yeah, we all have crappy times where we don’t do everything we think we should…but don’t give up…don’t quit….You never know who’s watching you….and who you’re inspiring!!!!

Happy Blogiversary & here’s to not letting me get in my own way quite so much anymore!!!

What happens when you fall off the planet or Humpday Madness

Well hello there. Here’s the part where I say, “I can’t believe it’s been so long….AGAIN…since my last post,” so there you go…now we can move on.

It seems that life is barreling through at me at a million miles an hour and there are days that I feel like I can conquer the world and days that I feel like I’m fighting every second just to keep my head above water.

The short story is- In the middle of June I was fired from my job. Luckily I had an interview scheduled for the very next day. An interview where I was unapologetically  myself. I was real to the core and answered every question from my heart rather than what may have been the “proper” answer. And you know what? It worked. It pays to be your authentic self ALWAYS!

I spent a few weeks truly enjoying my unemployment status, taking the kids to the pool and spending time with them and enjoying being back in my role of SAHM, even though it was short lived I enjoyed every moment.

We’ve gone to the resort and played in the lake and the pool there.

We’re in the process of buying a home.

Last weekend we got a pit bull puppy. A brindle with blue eyes. He’s just precious.

I started my new job Monday and I must say I immediately felt at home. I’m in a team with a wonderful group of people that have been super welcoming, warm and have opened their arms to me as a member of their team. It’s a nerdgirl’s paradise! While I have not IT background I am picking up on the processes and have been able to help out with some service calls.

My new boss wants me to write a bio for a newletter/department announcement….ugh….I was supposed to do that tonight but it’s nearly midnight so it’s just going to have to wait!

As far as workouts, I started July with the goal of being active every single day. While that was pretty successful, I have definitely run out of time on several days. I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I’m just going to keep doing the best I can, and recognize that I am not perfect and I can only do what I can do.

I am trying to get into a routine so hopefully that will allow a little more frequent blogging.

I hope you are all well and life is being kind to you in your life, health, and family!

Until next time….whenever that may be!

xoxoxoxo

Amanda

July check in. Yes, I fell off the planet

Hey y’all! I’ve missed you terribly. I’ve tried to stay active at least on Instagram so you’d know I hadn’t died or anything! :)
Now, normally when it’s been eons of time since my last post I try to catch you up by dumping a gazillion pictures in a post and calling it done. Not this time. If you really want to “see” what’s been going on you can always go check out my Instagram page.
It seems like I’m always telling you “there’s so much going on in my life right now” and this post is no different. I haven’t updated this crazy blog with pertinent personal information since June 4 and here it is nearly a month later. To sum it up the rest of June was pretty lackluster as far as workouts- meaning that I didn’t do much of anything since the Spartan. On June 18th I was fired from my job. And while it totally sucks from the financial standpoint, it has done amazing things for my stress level and my personal well being. Initially I thought I’d get up early every morning and run and that I’d be posting blog posts left and right. Well you know what they say about “the best laid plans!”

So for the last few weeks I stayed up way too late so I could be awake when J got home from work and that in turn made it nearly impossible to get up early to go run or workout and that of course made me start feeling bad about myself and we all know what starts to take hold then….Negative Self Talk….

Something was different this time. Rather than completely spiraling out of control, I reminded myself that I am the ONLY ONE that can control ME, so I gave myself permission to feel bad, fat, ugly, and just plain crappy, and then I STOPPED and decided it was time to recommit to myself. I’ve applied or sent my resume to at least one company every weekday since I was fired and starting Monday- June 30th- I’m determined to move every single day. Trying out the whole #HardHatChallenge

So far that looks like this:

Running 3x per week

Nerd Fitness Dumbbell Workout level 3 3x per week

rest one day

It’s not a perfect plan and life certainly isn’t perfect but I want to get to the end of July looking and feeling like the woman I know I am. Strong, confident, beautiful, intelligent, warm, caring, loving and determined to achieve her goals!

How do you get yourself back on track after a major life change?

Do you give yourself permission to feel crappy or are you always positive?